My History in RC
In the early 1980s I met L—, a Dutch woman who had recently returned from the African continent, where she had lived and worked for several years. We were both in the women’s movement, and together we taught several feminist courses.
L— was involved in RC and wanted to introduce me to it, but I didn’t accept her offer. I saw RC as a non-political organization in which people were focused on themselves. Taking action (for legalizing abortion, against pornography, against nuclear energy, and for LGBTQ+ rights) was important to me. I thought that RC wasn’t an organization in which I belonged.
Ten years and several jobs later, in the early 1990s, I joined another organization. I was struck by [impressed by] how it was run [led]. It was my first experience with a manager who paid sincere attention to her colleagues and employees. She thought it was important to listen to us and hear our minds so that she could lead the organization in an inclusive way.
At one point she invited me to a meeting about women’s liberation. I went with B—, another colleague. The meeting was led by Diane Balser, the RC International Liberation Reference Person for Women. That was my first RC meeting.
After getting some information there, I realized that B— was part of the RC Community. I also met a Co-Counsellor of African heritage there. At the time, she was the only Black Co-Counsellor in the Dutch RC Community. She was pleased to have another Global Majority person in the group and to not be the only woman of African descent.
LEARNING MORE ABOUT RC
I started to learn more about RC by doing more Co-Counselling sessions. After a year, when I had completed the fundamentals, I attended my first workshop, an early sexual memories workshop. My focus was still on being an activist. However, a whole weekend with many others and a brilliant leader was a totally different experience than I was used to [accustomed to]. There was a different way of connecting than I was used to. I was listened to and encouraged to express my feelings—not ridiculed for it, as I had been in the past. I was not judged for crying, shaking, or yawning. I could also listen to the other person without having to have an opinion or give advice. And I noticed there was a lot of laughing.
I felt relief. I felt connected to the others. There were also feelings of embarrassment and loneliness. I was one of the few people of colour. This was not new to me. I had gotten used to it in my work outside of RC, where I was often the only, or one of the few, coloured LGBTQ+ women in a group. Still, it didn’t feel good.
After my first RC meeting, I began to better understand what discharging meant to me and how important it was to reclaim and appreciate my intelligence and goodness. I also understood how important that was for each of us, and that RC was a liberation movement. When I first met L—, I did not fully understand this. I’m grateful to her that she didn’t give up on me and stayed with me so that we could deepen our relationship. Over the years we became good friends and allies for each other.
BLACK AFRICAN LIBERATION AND COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT
I am still one of the few Co-Counsellors of African descent in our RC Region. J—, whom I had met at my first RC meeting, invited me to my first Black African Liberation and Community Development Workshop (BALCD). There, a world opened up [became available] to me. So many Black women, Black men, and young Black people together—all working for a just world where Black people can live a big life without oppression.
The workshop was brilliantly led by Barbara Love, International Liberation Reference Person for Black African Heritage People. From her, I learned how important it is for people of African descent to connect with each other and love each other. I learned how important it is to never be quiet as a Black woman and to be more fully me. To do that, I have to “discharge, discharge, discharge,” as Barbara always says.
DISCHARGING FEAR
I did more Co-Counselling sessions and became an RC teacher. However, it took some time before I could fully commit to working on my own re-emergence and that of the Community. It took time for me to realize that the feelings of fear that arose were there to be discharged.
I didn’t yet realize that my activist work could be more successful if I discharged and noticed that when oppressions like sexism, racism, and homophobia show up, feelings don’t have to stand in the way of building sustainable relationships.
Looking back, I spent the first ten years after my first RC meeting with one leg in RC and one leg outside of it. Then I finally began to understand what RC really is and what it means to me, and to others and the world. (At least I think I understand it now, but I probably still have a lot to learn.)
Once I was able to make a commitment to myself, I was also able to take more leadership in RC. I started to lead more groups, and I eventually took on [assumed] the roles of Area Reference Person and Coordinator for Global Majority Co-Counsellors in Continental Europe.
TRANSITION
I am now facing a new challenge: being the Regional Reference Person for Dutch-Speaking Europe. I am looking forward to it, knowing that many people—Regionally, nationally, and Internationally—will think and work with me, on our own individual re-emergence and on that of the Community.
The former Regional Reference Person, B—, invited me to my first RC meeting. She continues to model how to lead an organization with a lot of attention for everyone. She has been a great example to me of how to lead a Community. She is vulnerable and strong in her leadership. I will continue my relationship with her and her expertise. The Community will continue to need her experience.
I feel strong and capable of taking over this Regional Reference Person position. Over the years I’ve built relationships with many Co-Counsellors—both Regionally and Internationally.
It always moves me when I realize that we as an RC Community have the power and possibility to reach for each other, far beyond our painful feelings. We know that the only thing that counts [matters] is our goodness and brilliance.
I have been Co-Counselling for almost thirty years now and have met many Co-Counsellors with whom I’ve built deep and lovely relationships. I’m grateful to have you all in my life.
I attended my first RC meeting with two colleagues. We already liked each other as colleagues and then became Co-Counselling buddies. We have spent the past thirty years deepening our relationships as friends and Co-Counsellors. We have witnessed our power and brilliance. We have also witnessed the struggles in our lives. We have seen where we’ve gotten stuck because of old feelings. We’ve had Co-Counselling sessions and remembered each other’s goodness. We haven’t given up on each other. We have also supported each other as Global Majority Co-Counsellors.
Arnhem, The Netherlands
Regional Reference Person for Dutch-Speaking Europe
(Present Time 212, July 2023)