Connecting with a Parent in a Parking Lot
The other day in a shopping center parking lot, I noticed a man yelling loudly into the face of his six- or seven-year-old daughter. He was telling her she was “bad” and to “stop crying right now!” I had to do something.
I remembered Harvey’s Commitment against Pretense: I am obviously completely incompetent and completely inadequate to handle the challenges which reality places before me. However, (fortunately or unfortunately) I happen to be the best person available. [Harvey Jackins, from page 3 of the Appendix in The List]
I got out of my car and walked up to the dad, without really having a plan. I said to him in a friendly voice, “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” He looked at me and smiled and agreed it was a beautiful day. So we were connected. I realized he wasn’t so far gone [lost in distress] that I couldn’t reach him.
I said, “You know, I need to cry a lot. I cry every day, and it helps me feel better. We all get upset and cry about things, and we may not even know why we are crying.”
In a frustrated and yelling tone, but still connected with me, he said, “But she keeps asking me to go to Target [a store in the United States], and I already said yes! She keeps asking over and over!”
I answered, “Yes, I know it’s hard. She just needs to cry. And do you know what she really wants? She really wants you.”
He looked startled for a moment and then said, “Oh, thank you. Thank you for coming over to talk to me.”
Then I asked him what his daughter’s name was. He said it was Louisa. I bent down and said, “Louisa, I’m so glad to meet you. You are such a wonderful girl.” Louisa hid her face and wouldn’t look at me, but she heard what I said. The man thanked me again, we said goodbye, and I went into the store.
Somerville, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 209, October 2022)