Thinking and Discharging about Insomnia
I have often felt personally responsible for everything that is not going well in the world. (I don’t think I am alone in this!) That struggle surfaces around sleeping.
I have always been an early riser. Whether I’ve gone to bed early or late, I’ve awakened between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning. But for many years, it’s been difficult to get back to sleep after waking at 2:30 or 3:30 a.m.
I used to take a half dose of Zopiclone (recommended by my doctor) to break the cycle of not sleeping. But I recently realized that I was depending on something outside of myself. I Googled the drug and found out that yes, it can help people sleep, but then it’s harder to sleep the next night. People become reliant on the drug. I decided to stop using it.
I now have Co-Counsellors I can text early in the morning. My Co-Counsellor C— has also struggled with sleep. We are often awake at the same time, and we exchange listening. It helps not to be alone with the struggle. We’ve been able to laugh and cry about it. I also have Co-Counsellors who live in different time zones, and we can trade listening time early in the morning.
I now feel much less panic about not sleeping. I let myself be awake while I notice my deep connections. When I can’t find someone for a session, I talk to myself and say the things my counsellors would say. I sometimes act as parent to the heartbroken early me. Sometimes I listen to recordings of RC workshops, or to recordings of rain on YouTube. And I think that diet, what I do during the day, and exercise play a role in how well I sleep, so I try to get those things right.
Since I stopped taking Zopiclone, I have managed to sleep five to seven hours every night. I am determined to stick to [persist with] my decision!
North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of “mental health” liberation
(Present Time 209, October 2022)