Maintaining Intergenerational Relationships
My children are in their thirties. I had a very difficult time with my eldest. I think you could say he became estranged. That is definitely how it felt to me. The pull to just “let him be” was strong, and those voices were enforced, mainly by my husband.
A Co-Counselor from our Region, who has known our son since his childhood, was hugely helpful in reaching out to and counseling with him. After a few years of regular sessions, my son is now sometimes talkative, even about hard stuff; less angry; and less distant. He is actually extremely graceful in standing up for himself and his views while also being caring about me. Our relationship is not easy or straightforward, but there are things that we agree on and enjoy sharing.
In my own early adulthood, I wasn’t in much contact with my parents. I think society doesn’t emphasize or see the need for continuous contact and active involvement of parents with their sons and daughters once they are teens, let alone young adults or older. Fighting for these relationships is an especially delicious “fruit” that has come from the insights we have gained in RC.
Being blessed that my own mother is still alive, I thought it was timely to address and rekindle my relationship with her. I took a direction of getting truly close to her. I felt like I wanted to express to her my old disappointments and hurts. But a close Co-Counselor encouraged me to reach for her in present time and to discharge in sessions the pull to have her hear me, “understand,” and apologize. This has been a huge success! The closeness with my mother has sent invisible but heartfelt waves of calm and closeness through all the family ties.
In searching for fruitful activities to do together, she and I came up with [created] the practice of her reading to me and then of studying together—at her pace and according to her passion. This has become a kind of special time for her. She loves and looks forward to our meetings. So do I! We have met each in our own home, connected digitally. This has been especially important during the pandemic.
Maintaining this intergenerational relationship is beneficial especially to me but is also hugely important in my relationships with my children. They love hearing about the times my mother and I spend together. The message is “family.” We are there for each other. The connections are alive, throbbing with life, and important.
I am re-inspired to go back to doing special time with my children—yes, even though they are adults. There is nothing like it, and it really works!
(Present Time 204, July 2021)