Some Fine Points

During one of my sessions when I was using the generalized understatement, this set of ideas came to me:

There is a difference between reality and pseudo-reality. They are a disjoint set. To me, the only reasonable definition of reality is all things that exist, and if there is no overlap between reality and pseudo-reality, then by definition pseudo-reality cannot exist. It is like fairies or something.

People use their power and flexible intelligence to pretend that the pseudo-reality is true. It's sort of like pretending that fairies exist. Perhaps a part of pseudo-reality that I have been believing is that it is hard not to replay old emotions. Maybe it really isn't hard. If I do have complete power of decision, then perhaps I can decide to take the attitude that it is easy to not replay old emotions. It seems to be the most useful attitude I can take, whether it is true or not. I have been shaking and laughing a lot as I try to take this attitude.

I have been discharging lately about how much I am running my distresses - I do it constantly. I put a huge amount of effort into believing things that aren't true. I find this hysterically funny and have gotten quite a bit of discharge thinking about it. After I discharge on noticing how much distress I am running, it gets a little easier to decide not to rehearse a particular pattern. I usually cry and shake when I decide this, and sometimes feelings come up related to my early sexual memories.

I find that I need my counselors to be clear about reality and to point it out to me periodically. The generalized understatement is also good for getting me back on track. My goal is to dislodge all of my chronic distress, starting by not rehearsing any of it in session and instead noticing it, discharging, and keeping on going.

Here is one example of a distress I have attacked in this way: I have a distress that blames people for acting out patterns, and thus I have been annoyed at people generally. It has been good to counsel on the direction that being annoyed at everyone for having patterns is a distress and that I could easily give it up. My counselors have been helpful by being clear that people are not to blame for their patterns. Things are going better with men (with whom I have been particularly annoyed for having distress) and with everyone, really.

Wendy Crowell
Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


Last modified: 2017-05-06 23:35:41-07