A talk by Wanjiku Kironyo at an East African Teachers’ and Leaders’ Workshop, September 2025
The RC no-socializing policy often raises deep questions, especially in our African context where culture and tradition teach us to always be there for one another. That part of our heritage is rich and beautiful, and I honor it. It is part of what makes our communities resilient and strong. At the same time, we must understand that RC has its own unique purpose and structure. If we simply try to mix RC with cultural expectations of constant help, gift giving, or financial support, without carefully thinking, we risk damaging our Co-Counseling relationships.
The no-socializing policy was developed to protect the safety, clarity, and effectiveness of our relationships in RC. In this Community, our focus is not on exchanging favors or solving each other’s problems but on discharge and re-emergence.
Many of us came into RC after years of isolation, neglect, and disconnection. When we finally find a space that encourages closeness and trust, our old frozen needs are easily triggered. We may confuse Co-Counseling closeness with other kinds of emotional or social connection. Without clear boundaries, this can lead to dependence, disappointment, or even exploitation.
In our culture, when someone is in need—for things like hospital bills, funeral expenses, and school fees—we are expected to step in. Doing so is noble and deeply human. However, when these expectations come into our Co-Counseling relationships, they can strain them. For example, over the past three months, many Co-Counselors have approached me for financial help. While I value helping others, I can see how quickly this kind of giving could shift a Co-Counseling relationship into one of dependency.
When we attend social events like birthdays or weddings, there are expectations around exchanging gifts. Gifts invite comparisons, like who gave more and who gave less. If such expectations enter RC relationships, they can create inequality, resentment, and pressure. These are good and important practices around giving in our social and cultural life, but in RC, they interfere with the clean, safe space we are trying to build.
When we do not respect the no-socializing policy, we confuse closeness in RC with personal relationships. We risk building relationships based on need, comparison, or obligation rather than awareness and discharge. Women, young people, and others may be especially vulnerable to exploitation, both financial and sexual.
CLOSENESS AND CONNECTION
Boundaries in RC do not make us less human or less connected. On the contrary, they give us the clarity and strength to show up better in all parts of our lives. I want to testify that by respecting the no-socializing policy, I have not lost closeness with people. By clearing up confusion and unspoken expectations, RC has helped me be more thoughtful, more present, and more supportive in my relationships both inside and outside the RC Community.
In RC, we are not trying to get our Co-Counselors to meet our unmet and frozen needs. Our goal is to discharge on those needs so we can build healthier, freer, and more thoughtful connections everywhere in our lives.
This policy is not meant to deny our culture, our generosity, or our closeness. It is meant to protect the very heart of RC. It ensures that we create a safe, effective environment where we can discharge and re-emerge, free of patterns, free of obligations, free of exploitation.
By respecting this policy, we are not weakening our traditions—we are strengthening them. We are building the kind of clarity that allows us to show up more fully for our families, our communities, and our continent.
POST-WORKSHOP THOUGHTS
During the question-and-answer period, there were many questions on the topic, which revealed something important: the no-socializing policy carries a lot of weight in our RC practice. It is not something to be covered once and forgotten. I believe it needs to be revisited once or twice every year, so that each new generation of Co-Counselors can discharge on it, understand it, and practice it with integrity.
Let us continue to discharge on this, to think about it, and to practice it faithfully so that our RC relationships can remain strong, safe, and transformative.