After being hurt, an infant will cry loudly and continuously and, if permitted to do so, will seem to recover from the hurt very quickly. After being frightened badly, an infant will scream and shake and perspire. After being angered, a yelling, vigorous tantrum will result, unless interfered with by others in the vicinity. A child, given friendly attention after an embarrassing situation, will talk and laugh about the experience spontaneously until the embarrassment is dissipated. These discharges—the crying, the trembling, the angry shouting, the laughter—are the ways in which human beings release the tensions which the experiences of hurt place upon them.


Apparently babies—given a chance—would keep themselves free from hurts simply by their natural discharge of painful emotion. In our culture, no baby gets very much of a chance because, with sympathy or with harshness, the discharge of painful emotion is interfered with and shut off so repeatedly that to shut it off becomes an automatic pattern accompanying the hurt.


DISCHARGES ARE NOT HURTS


There is a fundamental mistake in the ordinary thinking about these discharges. In our culture, tears are usually taken to mean grief. Trembling is taken to mean terror. Angry shouting is taken to mean anger. Therefore, it is thought that to shut off these discharges is to free a person from the emotion. “If you can stop them from crying, they won’t feel bad.” This is fundamentally backward.


The profound process of discharge of which tears are the outward indication is the getting over of grief. Tears indicate freeing one’s self from grief. Crying never occurs unless a person needs to do it. In the same way, trembling and cold perspiration indicate the release of terror. Laughter accompanies becoming unafraid or un-irritated. Shouting and violent movement accompany becoming un-furious.