Having Fun
Young people come to my RC workshops because they want to be with each other. They come for the connections and the relationships. So now I begin all my online workshops with a mini-session in which people look at each other and notice that they are connecting, even though only on Zoom. They get to feel how they miss being together in person and discharge about it. In introductions, they say who they want to have “special time” with. That allows them to show interest in and reach for someone. Most of us adults were teased or otherwise targeted for showing that we liked someone, so we stopped doing it.
Every time we come back from a session, a mini-session, or a break, we have a short dance party. The “DJ” [disc jockey—a person who plays recorded popular music, especially on the radio or at a dance party] encourages everybody to get up and dance “together,” as they are able. We have longer dance parties, too.
I talk a lot about play and how we get more serious and still [immobile] as we get older. That’s not how any of us want to live.
Older people generally rely on young people for fun. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s not the answer. Young people need to see that we adults enjoy life, that we have hope, that we are ready to laugh and play.
We can quickly connect with a young person just by looking at them and being pleased that they’re alive; letting them know that we, too, are pleased to be alive; and then doing something a little silly. (It looks a bit different with teenagers, but they can also be “reached” in this way.)
In my transition project, an adult is paired with a young person who is moving away from their home RC Community. The adult sometimes sends the young person funny texts and memes and jokes with them (even when the young person doesn’t respond). Some young people have said that this is what they like the best, that it’s what makes them feel connected.
Recently I’ve had people pull out their calendars and schedule fifteen minutes of fun time every day and an hour of fun time every week. I say that if they don’t feel like doing anything fun when the time comes, that’s fine—they can just sit there and say, “I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it.” It’s useful that they simply try to put their attention there.
As Kirsten Nottleson suggests [see the article “Skipping, and Jumping in Puddles,” by Kirsten Nottleson, on page 43 of Present Time No. 209], people can be invited to skip wholeheartedly for one or two minutes. That can quickly get their attention out [off of their distress]. When our attention is out, we want to be with each other. Humans like each other, and because young people remember that more easily than adults, they are our leaders in this.
Before leading a recent workshop on the climate movement, I asked a young leader what she thought we needed to put our attention on. She said, “Ask them to not leave all the fun up to [as the responsibility of] the young people.“ I loved that.
Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 209, October 2022)