Being Parents of Teens
I am a mother of thirteen-year-old twins and have been in RC for seventeen years. The following is from a recent RC webinar on teenagers, led by Marya Axner, International Liberation Reference Person for Parents.
Teens are often treated as “bad” when they are trying to hold on to their humanity. The adults around them are hurt and seem defeated, and the teens want something different.
Society pushes them to give up their dreams, to become “adults,” and to get to work.
We parents are human and make mistakes. We need Co-Counseling sessions on being pleased with ourselves as parents—and pleased with our teenagers.
We can notice how much we love our teenagers and how much they love us. We are their “anchor.”
We can work on what it was like for us at their age—navigating sex, drugs, alcohol, all the oppression we witnessed and took part in—and be kind to ourselves.
We can work on our worries about them so we can give them our relaxed attention.
They need us, even though they want independence. Sometimes they are mad at us because they need us.
We can see what makes them laugh. We can be outrageous, silly, ridiculous; keep finding ways to be playful.
We can initiate short talks about the Internet, social media, technology, sex, drugs, war, LGBTQ+ issues, alcohol—and follow their lead. We shouldn’t lecture them. Young people are bombarded with messages about how good alcohol and pornography are. We need to get acquainted with their world and get past the shock and horror of it. We can enjoy the creativity of social media and technology.
Sometimes our teenagers get into big trouble, but that doesn’t make us bad parents. They may show us in big, dramatic ways how difficult things are for them. They may stop going to school, stop eating, or refuse to come out of their room. We can get lots of sessions during that time. It may also require changing work schedules, playing video games with them for hours, sitting with them during meals. Parents can get teens through rough spots.
As boys grow, we can keep giving them hugs and stay close. Girls need lots of snuggles, too. And we should not comment on, or worry about, the way they look. They are fine just the way they are.
Redwood City, California, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 208, July 2022)