Making It Personal to Help Us in the Fight
I am a female, Catholic, white USer and seventy-four years old. As a girl I lived through the years before the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision made abortion legal in the United States.
Reliable birth control was not available. Sex meant the terrifying possibility of becoming pregnant. And getting pregnant meant my life would be ruined unless I could find an abortion.
I think most unwanted pregnancy is the result of sexism. Sexism—acknowledged or not, overt or internalized—is always present in sexual relationships between males and females. Sexism is also responsible for the imperfect methods of birth control—for example, dousing female bodies with hormones, IUDs that might malfunction, condoms that depend on the male partner’s cooperation.
How many of us have had unprotected sexual intercourse? Under some inner or outer pressure? From rape, date rape, almost date rape? To make a man happy? To attract a new mate? Because we were tired of arguing? Because we had something to drink? Because he didn’t enjoy wearing a condom, or one was not available, or protection would spoil the moment? When an IUD moved out of place? Because it would be “hot” if it happened now, and saying “Wait—let me get the diaphragm, put some gel in it, and insert it into my vagina, and then we can proceed,” isn’t in any of the stories we have read or seen on TV?
MY STORY
I had an abortion. I was thirty-three years old. I had been a Co-Counselor for many years. I was halfway through a two-year graduate program, living in another city, and a guest in another RC Community. And I had unprotected sex. I still expect people to say, “What? How could you?” But how many women who are reading this have had unprotected sex? How many men?
I was able to go to Planned Parenthood and get an appointment for an abortion. I sat in the beautiful October sun and talked to my baby. I went to the abortion with my regular Co-Counselor. I did not regret the decision, but for months I thought, “How can I ever be a mother if I was willing to do this?” I made it through the distress with attention and discharge.
I encourage men and women to work on these issues personally—including on “near misses” [almost getting pregnant], abortions, unprotected sex, forced sex.
I am profoundly grateful to the women who fought for widespread birth control and the right to abortion. May we be their worthy comrades.
Newton, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 208, July 2022)