Remembering Our Needs as Parents
Thanks to the parents who have been writing about young people and sleep. This is always one of the bigger challenges for us as parents.
It can be hard to imagine how much physical closeness, attention, and discharge babies and other young people want and need. We do the best we can, given parents’ oppression. We shouldn’t be hard on ourselves for not being able to handle sleep the way we would without oppression. Every family figures it out differently. Also, young people can grow and thrive with many different sleeping arrangements. Discharging on what sleep was like for us when we were little can make a big difference.
I think it’s beneficial for young people to sleep with their parents for at least the first year of life. For babies who were born prematurely or had a rough start, longer is better.
Sometimes when co-sleeping with a young one, we don’t get enough closeness with our partner (if we have one). Not having one-on-one time with a partner can be one of the hardest parts of parents’ oppression. If you have a partner, I encourage you to have “dates” with each other. You can invite a relative or friend to come and be with your child so that the two of you can have private time together. Of course, single parents also need “time off.”
When the pandemic subsides (or if you can figure it out before), you can train a friend or babysitter to listen to and play with your child. I had someone come over and babysit while I was in the house. I would be in the next room and occasionally go in to see how it was going and join in. (Over time I brought a few babysitters into RC. One of them has become a forever family friend who now has her own child.)
Remember, you are good parents, and your children are good, too.
Somerville, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 207, April 2022)