Re-evaluating about the Men in My Jewish Family
The recent RC Jewish Women’s Workshop was powerful. I especially appreciated the segment on facing the sexism and male domination in our Jewish families. We were encouraged to do so without blaming our fathers or brothers individually for a systemic oppression that they were the targets of, but without hiding or defending their male patterns. I had some significant re-evaluations about my father and brother.
My father’s idea of parenting his daughters was non-engagement. He invited my brothers to watch sports with him on television and taught them how to play baseball, football, and so on. Meanwhile, he expected my mother to raise her daughters without his active participation. This was painful for me, and for years I tried to do things that might get him to notice me.
I saw the same thing happen with my nieces (his granddaughters). But then one of them refused to let him stay in his pattern. At age three, she pushed him to notice her. He responded excitedly, “She likes me!” and repeated it several times. I realized that part of his disengagement was not knowing he was wanted.
My brother is eighteen months younger than I am. From birth, he was treated as the adored and preferred child. I had discharged on how my anger at him for his preferential treatment was not his fault. He was innocent in that respect. However, I hadn’t worked on the way he is still sexist toward me. I have lots more discharging to do so I can take this on [do this] thoughtfully.
USA
(Present Time 206, January 2022)