Loving Attention Is the Biggest Contradiction
In most of my RC classes, we spend some time doing Co-Counselling reports. I ask, “What went well as client?” “What went well as counsellor?” Then I ask if there are any questions. People’s feelings about not doing as good a job as they’d like as counsellor often come up. Focusing on this helps people see that they are not alone. Most people feel inadequate as counsellors in the beginning. I like to remind them that they are the biggest contradiction to their client’s distress and that their loving attention is precious.
When I was a new counsellor, I remember trying so hard to figure out “What is the distress?” and “What contradiction should I offer?” that I would not be very present as counsellor. I suggest to students that it’s more important to stay right with the client, listening with full attention, and that contradictions will actually occur to them more easily this way. I also reassure them that as we get to know our clients, it becomes easier and easier to know what to say that will lead to discharge.
I also like doing “coached counselling.” I remember learning so much about counselling from watching others do it and seeing how clients reacted to the various contradictions offered. And I think it’s good for people to see that there is no one “right” or “perfect” way to counsel.
Vernon, British Columbia, Canada
Reprinted from the e-mail discussion list for RC teachers
(Present Time 204, July 2021)