Still Much More to Do

I attended the Contemporary Women’s Workshop as one of nineteen male allies. It was an amazing workshop and an honor to be there.

I have a three-year-old daughter. My wife does not want to have any more children; I can see that it’s the right decision for her, but I have been sad about it.

At the workshop I realized I would not feel as sad if my only child was a boy. Deep down, I feel like my daughter is not enough, like she is not as valuable or important to me as a son would be. It was hard to admit this to myself, but once I did, it opened up an ocean of distress to discharge.

One of the first messages I got after I was born was that it was great that I was a boy. People were excited about it. I don’t know that anyone ever explicitly said that girls were not as good as boys, but that was the implication.

I have been having great sessions on all the messages that it is better to be male than female. For instance, I have never seen a movie in which the family gushes with joy because their first child is a girl. Rather, it is when it’s a boy that great joy is expressed, particularly on a father’s face.

I think that the strength and unity of the women at the workshop, and the clear message of “female first,” made it possible for me to look at all this. I have been a good father to my daughter, and a good ally to her as a female—yet there is still much more to do.


(Present Time 185, October 2016)

Last modified: 2022-12-25 10:17:04+00