Young People and Information about Sex

I’ve been considering the idea that young people will ask questions “when they are ready” and that we then give “age-appropriate responses.” However, I think we also need to take into account that everyone is bombarded by the objectification of females (and young males) and by the highly profitable sex and related industries. The media broadcast confusing, distressed messages about sex, closeness, isolation, individualism, greed, and addictions. And there is also the installation of frozen needs and what gets attached to them. I’ve made many efforts to contradict all this, including engaging in “preemptive” discussions with my daughter.

My daughter is now twelve. When she was very young, I aimed to have lots of aware attention for and benign contact with her. I tried to be thoughtful about how I treated her when changing her diapers. I never said anything negative and always praised her body and mind.

I started talking to her early on about how she could be close with anyone she wanted to and that she was in charge of the closeness. I helped her identify and name her body parts, appreciated her skin color and hair, and contradicted the objectification of young children, particularly females. I encouraged her to be active and strong. I followed her lead and stayed close. I didn’t hide when I was in the bathroom or conceal that I was having my period.

In answer to her questions, I explained how we females are born with tiny eggs in our bodies and that when we get a little older, each month one of those eggs ripens and we can choose whether or not to have a baby. I said that blood and other nutrients allow the baby to grow in the uterus and that if there’s no baby, they slough off. We also discussed in what body locations urination, sex, and bowel movements happen.

She had many big sessions that appeared to be connected to her birth, and at some point she talked about it and asked specific questions. I said how complex and wonderful we are as human beings and told her a bit about different forms of reproduction in less complex species. I talked about sperm and where it comes from and how an egg can be fertilized. I also talked about taking charge of closeness and how sex is one way people can be loving and close, when it makes sense for both of them. And I said that they get to talk and laugh about it together—before, during, and after.

When she was three, a child five years older acted out perpetrator distress on her at her daycare. She had many sessions. I also gave sessions to the child who had acted out and to the daycare provider and her sister, whose son was the perpetrator. The child had also acted out the distress on the daycare provider’s daughter. I ended up doing several special-time* sessions. Not surprisingly, the perpetrator child worked on how he had been exposed to pornography.

Today many young children are exposed to pornography on the Internet. This is in addition to the pornography, sexual exploitation, and violence that have become mainstream in many industries.



(Present Time 185, October 2016)

* Special time is an activity, developed in RC family work, during which an adult puts a young person in full charge of their mutual relationship, as far as the young person can think. For a specific period of time, the adult lets the young person know that he or she is willing to do anything the young person wants to do. The adult focuses his or her entire attention on the young person and follows his or her lead, whether the young person tells, or simply shows, the adult what she or he wants to do.

Last modified: 2022-12-25 10:17:04+00