Going into the World as a Female
I attended the Women and the Environment Workshop [see previous three articles]. Working on being a “girl child” helped me understand for the first time that I have a pattern of going into the world not as a female with a female body and mind but as a “person,” careful not to draw attention to my femaleness. It helped me drop my defensive stance: “My being female is none of your #$@%^&* [expletive] business!”
I remembered and discharged on why I first went into hiding as a female with a female body. I was born in a war-ravaged country. All the adults were devastated. My life in utero had been hard—I’d nearly died. When I was born, I was terrified and desperately needed connection with and reassurance from my mother. However, life had been hard on her. She needed a contradiction to her hurt and despair. When she saw me, she was delighted and relieved that I was a “pretty girl.” She noticed my body, my appearance, but did not notice me or that I was in trouble. Other adults responded in a similar way.
Meanwhile, I was fighting for my life—and no one noticed. It seemed that my being a “pretty girl” was the only reason anyone cared if I survived (and when I was three months old, being “pretty” drew the attention of a man who sexually molested me).
I will keep discharging on this.
To all girl children, past and present: We can be in the world as females. We can be deeply connected, pleased, and proud of ourselves and each other.
USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 208, July 2022)