Valuing Connection over Personal Protection
It makes no sense to blame people for the situations into which they were born and the patterns that resulted. Our RC project is much bigger than that. At the same time, dominant-group members are generally unaware of their patterns. How do we get leverage on patterns that are invisible to us?
I’m working on a common project with a beloved Co-Counselor. She said she was feeling “managed” by me. That was hard to hear, and I took it to a Co-Counseling session. I could justify in several ways how I had behaved. However, I realized that I’d had more power in our interaction than she’d had and that I’d been using that power, unawarely, to manage the situation in a way that made me feel less uncomfortable. Wow! It had been a manifestation of domination. But the dynamic had been completely invisible to me.
I’ve done a lot of work on holding tightly to the comfort and protection of material goods, but I hadn’t thought of how protecting my emotional comfort would affect others. If I use my class or other advantage to manage situations so they are more comfortable for me, what are the implications for others? How does it affect our working together for our common goals?
I’m motivated to make a change, because the stakes are high. This pattern—based on old fears—must go. I’m committed to act in ways that value connection over personal protection. As I do so, I get to discharge old fears and taste the potential for deeper connection, new possibilities, and more power in the world.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion lists for leaders of wide world change and for leaders in care of the environment
(Present Time 205, October 2021)