The Relatives of “Mental Health” System Survivors’ Workshop
I was lucky to be at the recent Relatives of “Mental Health” System Survivors’ Workshop, led by LG Shanklin-Flowers, who was assisted by Hannah Gross.
My raised-poor Irish-heritage mom was a “mental health” system survivor (MHSS). (I have her permission to write about this.) I am the oldest of her six children. She was put in mental hospitals several times for attempting suicide when I was quite young and many additional times in my teens and young adult years. She is still alive and kicking [feisty] at age eighty-four.
LG reminded us that the workshop was for us! About us! About our stories and how we were and are affected by having relatives in the “mental health” system. How we were and are hurt by it, how we have distress recordings from it, and how we can heal from the hurts. And importantly, how we need not be alone with it. What a revelation it was to be with more than a hundred people who understood these hurts. I am not alone with this history.
The following are some of my many “takeaways”:
- Many of us have “savior” behavior. We couldn’t and still can’t “save” our relatives, so we blame ourselves and we try to save everyone else. Many people benefit from this. Things go well when we are involved. We anticipate people’s needs (I was a waitress for twenty-five years, and a good one). But it is a compulsion. We do it at the cost of our own well-being. It’s a distress. It keeps us from being in the center of our lives.
- We have a perspective on human beings that not everyone has. We saw and continue to see the goodness in our relatives.
- We often function by being in control. It’s hard for many of us to show that we are struggling. We couldn’t be in control of scary situations with our relatives, so we got good at controlling ourselves. This makes us good to have around in a crisis.
- It was mentioned that hope is a discipline. It’s a correct perspective, and we can cultivate it. When things are hopeful, it’s safe to notice our feelings.
- Hannah led a wonderful class on the pieces of the oppression. She used the words “silence,” “secrets,” “isolation,” and “humiliation.” I could identity with everything she said and had huge sessions.
- We had a great class on racism.
- We sang and danced and laughed.
It was an unforgettable weekend.
Seattle, Washington, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of “mental health” liberation
(Present Time 204, July 2021)