Being “Pretty”
The following is a quote from Diane Balser: “I always dreamed of a time when women would stop trying to be pretty, because being pretty always means that you are prettier than someone else.” I thought this was profound. However, given the climate of sexism, it is nearly impossible for us to stop wanting to be pretty. The internalized sexism is too brutal, and the way we look can be a matter of life or death.
Prettiness is associated with light, straight (or controlled) hair; light skin; petite bodies; no hair on our bodies; and youth. And I think (as a Jewish woman) that it is also associated with being quiet, reserved, nurturing, and willing to sacrifice; having pretense; and not showing power or intelligence. It also seems to me that when we are not pretty, we can be hated.
I need to discharge on how I have abandoned other females (for me, it was older Jewish females) when they did not look pretty. I also need to discharge on when I have felt abandoned by other females when I did not look pretty. I had a great cry about taking on leadership while facing the possibility that as I age, I could be abandoned if I do not look pretty.
The fight against this oppression is complicated. Beauty is also a source of power for females when there are no options to have power in another way. And the decision not to be pretty is now especially hard to make because the beautification industry is so powerful. So we need to decide this en masse [all together as a group]. Perhaps RC can play a role here.
Lastly, if we don’t discharge on the pull to be pretty, it can guide the decisions that shape our lives—whether to get pregnant, whom to marry, which type of paid work to do (with prostitution being one of the options), where to live, and so on.
New York, New York, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 204, July 2021)