Catholic Men, the U.S. Election, and Sex
Before the November U.S. election, Joanne Bray (International Liberation Reference Person for Catholics) brought a group of Catholic men and women together on Zoom to work on the election. It was a powerful time. There were some great insights and much discharge.
I am a Catholic male. I was raised in a Church whose teachings left me clueless and bewildered about sex, reproduction, abortion, sexuality, touch, physical development, eroticism, girls, and more. The list is long.
Being conditioned to be clueless and bewildered was not only unhelpful; it was dangerous. It was a setup for sexism, for bad behavior and lack of thinking about women and the above issues.
Abortion has always been an important issue in U.S. politics, and Catholics were particularly central to the November election for two reasons: First, Joe Biden is a Catholic who is pro-choice; and second, his opposition was using the abortion issue to split the Catholic vote.
Joe Biden was likely trained similarly to me when he was growing up. His spirituality probably leads him to believe that a fetus is a life and to never want his wife to have an abortion. At the same time, he understands that it would be his wife’s choice. He has no desire to impose his beliefs on anyone else.
I’ve counseled and talked with a number of men about our training growing up. Like me, they were trained not to take responsibility for sex. They, and I, mostly left the responsibility entirely up to the woman. This meant that unprotected sex was common. If the woman said, “I won’t have unprotected sex,” we would comply. But if she said nothing, we would presume it was “okay.” We would abdicate any responsibility for the possibility of pregnancy. In fact, we were often surprised when it happened and bewildered and clueless about what to do.
My lack of understanding about and responsibility for sex with a woman has been heartbreaking and infuriating. Listening to Catholic women counsel on their experiences of abortion is heartbreaking and life changing.
Counseling on sex and, in particular, on abortion has been helpful for me. For example, it’s given me some slack for listening to others, including those who said, “I can’t vote for Biden because he is pro-choice, even though I don’t like the other guy.”
People’s experiences with abortion are powerful and often leave deep wounds in their hearts. People need to be listened to and encouraged to tell their stories and sort through their emotions. We need not argue with them but simply give them our loving attention and remember that they may have deep feelings about abortion, which have a history. Doing this might open some doors for some re-evaluations of their political decisions—just maybe.
Discharge, discharge, discharge.
Cazenovia, New York, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for USA political issues
(Present Time 203, April 2021)