I was in a cafe and randomly started chatting with the two people next to me—a middle-aged, probably owning-class, white couple from New Zealand who were visiting California (USA). We had a nice connection about California—surfing, shark attacks, property values on the beaches in Los Angeles and New Zealand. And then the man suddenly says, “What do you think of Trump?”


After sharing my thoughts (the words “disaster” and “racist” were part of my response) and then listening to him talk about why he supports Trump, which I wasn’t interested in listening to, I changed the subject to climate. And then he says, “Climate change is a hoax.” (What did I get myself into?) 


Thankfully, I remembered a direction from a recent RC climate conference and I thought, “Okay, here’s my chance!” I looked at him kindly and directly and said, “Are you serious? Why would you say that? There’s so much data on how bad it is and how humans are the cause!” And then he talked about solar cycles and how we’re just in a hotter solar cycle, and so on. I listened more but also chimed in with things like, “You know about the International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) right?” (“Yes, yes I do”) and, “Well, it’s either a hoax or it isn’t, but if we believe it’s a hoax and it’s not, we’re really in trouble.”


I think the key is that I actually listened to him and stayed engaged and connected. Maybe I was lucky that I was fairly well discharged post-conference. I promised I would look into what I could find out about solar cycles (which I still plan to do). At some point his daughter called, and he said to her, “Sorry I can’t talk right now. I’m having a fun conversation.” (Oh, he’s having fun!) And guess what he said at the end? “I agree with everything you said about climate—and look into solar cycles, too” (“Yes, yes, I will”).


That’s when it became clear. Oh, he wants to engage and connect! And he’s doing it by being provocative and looking for a “fight.” Oh yeah! This is one of the ways that guys are allowed to connect with people! I was lucky enough to have had an older brother who would “fight” with me (play? wrestle? steal my fries?), which was mostly him trying to connect and work through some feelings, so it felt familiar and I was able to engage with it more than I expected.


After the 2016 election, I was so discouraged that I avoided these types of conversations. And guess what? I not only survived this one, I also felt more connected after it. And the fact he closed the conversation saying he agreed with everything I had said about climate—an unexpected and sweet surprise ending! And hopefully something moved for him, too, in getting to have that conversation with me.