Hi parents,


Maybe you can help me with a parenting issue. My four-and-a-half-year-old daughter has recently been having multiple tantrums a day. They generally start at the end of screen time, or when we say no to processed sugar, or when we set other limits that she finds restimulating. She starts by throwing the phone or some other hard object, which doesn’t bring much discharge. Then, when we get close, she tries to bite, hit, or kick me, which also doesn’t bring much discharge. In our efforts to simultaneously keep ourselves and our home safe and help her get her feelings out, she inevitably gets mildly hurt and then discharges hard. Pushing hard on us also sometimes brings discharge. She is adopted and had a rough birth, so none of this is surprising. 


I actually have attention for her attempts to hurt me. What’s most restimulating is when she throws things that could damage our home. I’m discharging as I write this because I know I have middle-class distress about my “stuff” getting broken. But at the same time, I think it might be okay for there to be some limits and consequences. For the first time, I’m thinking about there being consequences for her when she throws hard things. 


Mostly, I’d like to get more adept at quickly getting close and helping her direct the feelings at me instead of at our stuff, partly because throwing our stuff doesn’t seem to help her discharge anyway!


Do any of you have experience with this and some words of wisdom? Thanks so much. 


[See "Being Flexible with a Young Person's Sessions" and

"Bringing a Limit" for responses.]