Discharging on Whether to Have Another Child

Hi Parents!

What have you figured out about having another child? Have you worked on your decision in connection to climate change and care of the environment?

I am the mom of a toddler. I did years of strategic discharging about deciding to become a mom and am very glad I did that work. I can keep the perspective that I chose motherhood and that I definitely want to be a mom, despite parents’ oppression and the new ways that sexism hits me as a mother.

Given my current economic and family circumstances and the challenge of climate change, last year I “decided” (without much discharge) not to have another child. However, I’ve since noticed that I actually want to have another child. I’ve been avoiding discharging about this because I feel I don’t have time to prioritize this piece of discharge (given how hard it is to have more than one Co-Counseling session a week) and also because I don’t want to face the feelings (grief, disappointment, discouragement, fear) that doing this work might bring up. However, I’ve decided to prioritize discharging about this decision.

It would help me to hear from other moms (and dads) about what you’ve figured out here. I think it would help me stay focused on discharging something I am having trouble facing.


I have been discharging for the past three months on whether to have a second child. As a Jewish mother, taking the direction of “letting go” of having a second child has taken me to core feelings of terror, early defeat, and wanting to die.

I counseled extensively on wanting my first child and have also counseled other women over the years about their desire to have children. My observation is that little movement or re-emergence happens if we focus mainly on how badly we want a child. What has worked best is alternating deciding to “let go” of having a child, with deciding to go for it [deciding to do it]. “Letting go” has led to the heaviest discharge. 

I’ve noticed the feeling that discharging will lead me to make the “right” decision. One of my counselors offered the direction that there is no “right” or “wrong” decision.  She suggested that it is actually not possible to make a decision that is entirely free of distress and that either decision will lead to different life challenges, rewards, and opportunities for further discharge and re-emergence. 


Reprinted from the RC e-mail
discussion listfor leaders of parents


Last modified: 2019-05-13 15:12:23+00