Family Work—A Transformational Tool
My name is Marshall Ifeanyi. I have been in RC for over seventeen years. I am also a parent of three children, and my fourth is arriving soon.
My sons’ taekwondo coach once told me that my children didn’t fear me. He said that he beat his sons if they didn’t obey him, and “I only need to make eye contact, and they already are obeying my wishes without a word. You have to instill discipline in your boys.”
I replied that my sons and I were perfect, that my sons didn’t need to fear me, and that I trained them to have minds of their own and not be fickle or cowardly. However, I was secretly troubled. Could he be right? How would I know?
In October 2018, thirty-five Co-Counselors gathered for a Nigerian Family Workshop, led by Fela Barclift and Dorann van Heeswijk. There it dawned on me [I realized] that my sons’ coach obviously didn’t know what I knew from RC. I realized that the way I related with my children was beyond his comprehension. I allowed them the freedom to choose what to do or not do. In his view my style was not strict enough and was unbecoming of a “good” father-child relationship. He would beat his sons over things I would talk through with mine. I realized that I had been subtly applying RC. And, proudly, I relaxed my mind as a father.
Family work is arguably the biggest transformational tool for family and society. It gives children a sense of self-worth, place, pride, and authority, without their becoming insolent or disrespectful. Nigeria needs family work now more than ever. It will help raise a new generation of rational thinkers and, by extension, help curb social vices.
Going forward, I will spread the word [tell people] about family work. But most important, I’ll continue to apply family work in my relationship with my children.
Enugu, Nigeria