On His Schedule, Not Mine

I just got off the phone with my father. I had called him to discuss his medication regimen. In the past I would have called with my agenda—of getting him off medications because they are “wrong.” I do think they are doing damage to him and keeping his feelings at bay,1 but I am suspicious of my inclination to decide what’s right or wrong for another person, in this case my father. 

Today I had just done some “special time”2 with a young person, which allowed me to be more relaxed with regard to my mission of “getting my father off medication.” I still felt inclined to impose my opinion, but I was able to give my father space instead of acting my feeling out at him. I let him finish his train of thought3 before I spoke and only interjected small nuggets of perspective, often in question form, then allowed him to formulate his own thinking about what I had offered.

This brought me a new level of hope and made me feel less urgent about “fixing” anything about my father. It is really about just loving him. I do think he will eventually need to come off the medication, but in no rush—and on his schedule, not mine.

I am pleased with this victory. It had to do with discharging a lot of my urgency (terror) and remembering that I am in charge of my mind, perspective, and decision-making.

Brooklyn, New York, USA

1 “At bay” means at a distance.
2 “Special time” is an activity, developed in RC family work, during which an adult puts a young person in full charge of their mutual relationship, as far as the young person can think. For a specific period of time, the adult lets the young person know that he or she is willing to do anything the young person wants to do. The adult focuses his or her entire attention on the young person and follows his or her lead, whether the young person tells, or simply shows, the adult what she or he wants to do.
3 “Train of thought” means sequence of related thoughts.

Last modified: 2019-05-02 14:41:35+00