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Reflections on an Early Sexual Memories Workshop

The following are comments on an early-sexual-memories workshop led by Tony Smith, in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia:• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • T

ony started the workshop with “Sex is a human activity, but because it is a human activity, we are vulnerable to being confused about it. Discharge would help, but ‘mental health’ oppression gets in the way of discharge, so it is confusing!”This workshop made room for me to discharge early hurts, confusion, and misinformation about myself and being close with people. Tony reminded us that shame has been attached to early sexual memories and that this is not our fault. Everyone has been trashed1 in the area of being close to humans. I can see that any closeness I have achieved with other humans has been a huge victory for me. We can heal from these hurts, be connected, and be impervious to manipulation by sexism, racism, and fear. We can get good at doing anything we practice. If we practice paying attention to our sexual restimulation, we will get really good at it. The same applies to any distress. I have had lots of practice paying attention to my distress. Now I can get lots of practice doing the opposite. I can decide to pay attention to all sorts of wonderful things in the present. I can spend all my time deciding to use my mind in interesting and fun ways. When I decide to do this, my Co-Counselling sessions go better. I make better use of my time as client. Sexual distress is what the capitalist society wants me to pay attention to instead of noticing each and every person I encounter. Sex in my white Australian Protestant world is a commodity. The sexualised identity I thought I had to take on2 as a young woman is part of how male domination has affected all my beloved sisters and me.In my life and in my counselling, as counsellor and as client, I can always reach for the human being. I can remember that the people in front of me are always doing everything they can to connect with me and that I can take them into my heart and love them.I got to see clearly that as a male I was set up to feel that the only way for me to achieve closeness with another human was to have sex with that person. Tony offered the possibility of shifting my focus from human body parts to the human being. I can see the importance of getting my Co-Counsellors to help me make that shift. I could see how counseling on early sexual memories uncovers pathways to many distresses.An idea that I will take away from this workshop is that practice makes perfect. If we practice, say, being a victim, we will get really good at it. Likewise, if we choose to practice a different, more leader-like perspective, we will get really good at that instead!

Reprinted from the newsletter of the Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, RC Community

(Present Time 171, April 2013)

Last modified: 2019-05-02 14:41:35+00