Opening Up Easily to New People
You will not believe this!
Tonight, remembrance night for people's heroism during World War II, we had our leaders' class. As we sat down to start, five or six youths walked in the door. Seeing a sign saying 'Co-Counseling,' they walked in without an invitation. At first I wasn't sure if they wanted to make trouble or not. I greeted and welcomed them. They sat down. There was a brief exchange of who they were (friends hanging out together) and who we were (people gathered for a meeting). They were invited to stay if they'd also be willing to listen. Well, they were-and with golden attention.
A pillow fight communicated the main theory for the evening and set the tone in a perfect way. The counselors, who had no preparation for this, fell in line in an impressive manner. The young people seemed to feel that our hearts and spirits were in the right place. They laughed so! They were also totally broken up by our lack of decorum.
We did an opening circle. All my experience with the settlers paid off. I gave short, to-the-point explanations as we came to each new thing. I briefly explained mini-sessions, and we did them-one adult with one young person and a three-way.
The sounds emerging spoke of lively, engaging contact, so I decided to take the next step. I thought I'd ask each counselor to speak of three things he or she cherished in RC, as way of explaining what we were doing and giving the counselors a chance to show what was meaningful to them. I proposed this and was helped to realize that listening to the youths first would be better.
Because they were a group of friends, I asked them to share with us something about this most wonderful friendship of theirs. Too bad I didn't tape this heartwarming, real, spontaneous, easily flowing panel! They love each other deeply and have decided to stay together even though they have each gone on to different schools. They have fought for their friendship and also for other friends among their group who weren't with them this evening. They spoke of being willing to do anything for their friends and that their friends would do the same for them.
It was fascinating, moving, and a true reminder not to let go of friends-of the importance of friends. I think it was excellent of me to notice this core richness they have in their lives, appreciate them for it, ask to hear about it (even though it's not a traditional thing that adults ask young people about), and then really listen!
The adults appreciated the youths for what they had created in their lives and for who they were.
I suggested a new game I had just read about in Present Time, and they were surprised. It was lots of fun and yet a nother way for us to be with them, show ourselves, get to know them, enjoy them, and keep them company even when they were playing.
We came back indoors for a goodbye circle. This was long after the time they had first intended to leave. I started the circle without intending to get up, but one of them stood up, remembering the opening circle. We joined him standing, this time all mixed up and with arms around each other, and we went through a warm 'what I liked' circle.
Then I felt I could suggest hugs, and I did. All shared real and warm, caring hugs.
These boys were fifteen years old, all Mizrachim.
I think I will start a fundamentals class for this group. They are a real pot of gold. The counselors in my group will attend the class as allies, maybe two or three at a time. They could see the value of it.
Sara Kallai
Jerusalem,
Israel