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Thinking About How to Work, as Well as Working

I have been in Re-evaluation Counselling for almost three years. I'm currently leading an ongoing couples' support group in Adelaide, South Australia with my partner, Peter. Working out the application of RC theory to everyday living as a couple and imparting what we learn to others have brought great insights and rewards. So far in our support group we have discussed and discharged on: using counselling sessions in the relationship, thinking well about each other, how to deal with patterns when restimulated, and appreciating our partners and ourselves. Future sessions are planned around sexism, sex, commitment, and contradicting powerlessness.

I have recently discovered that in addition to the restimulation that asserts itself when living with anyone, what can stop a couple from getting close is the interaction between a man's sexist patterns and a woman's internalised oppression. When a man's sexist patterns operate (sometimes at an unconscious level), it can restimulate the woman's internalised sexism and distance the woman from the man in the relationship. Similarly, when a woman shows her internalised sexism, it can restimulate the man into showing his sexist patterns with the same result-distancing the partners from each other. Therefore, to avoid this, both partners need to discharge regularly to 'clean up' their sexist patterns and internalized sexism if they want their relationship to be close and loving. If the woman has discharged enough on her internalised sexism, she can thoughtfully interrupt her male partner's sexist patterns. Conversely, if the man has discharged enough on his sexist patterns, he can thoughtfully interrupt his female partner's internalised sexism. They can then give each other a hand on where it gets hard relating to each other when these patterns emerge.

My partner and I have been counselling with each other regularly. We've found that using mini-sessions during or after a crisis or when there are difficult issues to discuss has been a great help in having things go smoothly and in gaining rational thinking.

Carmen Verne
Manningham, South Australia,

Last modified: 2020-07-02 14:27:35+00