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The No-Socializing[*] Policy Applies to All Groups

The following is a letter Tim Jackins wrote in response to a question about the RC no-socializing policy.*

Dear A—,

The no-socializing policy has been needed everywhere we’ve had Co-Counseling—with every nationality, every racial group, and every economic class. It needs to be counseled on and thought about so that it can be understood and used—it shouldn’t be applied without thought.

People of every group have frozen expectations of other people. Unless this is understood, and our “no-socializing” policy used, these frozen expectations will get acted out on Co-Counselors. This will confuse the Co-Counseling relationship and make it less useful, and make the RC Community unsafe for people, which will then make everyone’s sessions less safe and workable.

The no-socializing policy does not mean that people can’t be supportive of each other and think about each other outside of sessions. It does mean that we don’t expand into other relationships. Rather than doing things for each other, we counsel each other on the distresses that leave us feeling helpless. Our job is to counsel each other to be powerful humans, not reactively take care of each other

There have been many struggles in your country about these issues, and these struggles continue. Because of racism, it’s going to be challenging to think about how the policy applies among black Co-Counselors, but it does apply. I think you have to talk about these issues with B—, and counsel together on what is upsetting to each of you about the policy. After a session or two, you and B— can talk about the particular problems involved. Work first on each other’s feelings about it, not worrying about what is correct. You can figure that out after the session.

I don’t know if B— is aware of all of the troubles that have happened in your country because some people have not adhered to the no-socializing policy. She needs to know and understand that this will happen in the black community, too, unless things are handled thoughtfully.

Tim Jackins


 

[*] The no-socializing policy of the RC Communities states that Co-Counselors should not set up any relationships, other than Co-Counseling, with other Co-Counselors or with people whom they meet in a Co-Counseling context.


Last modified: 2021-07-02 01:03:32+00