An Open Letter to My Fellow Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Co-Counselors

For RC's most recent perspective on issues related to this article, see: Human Connections, and Sex

In the past five months, I have talked and counseled with many people upset by Harvey's report to the conference of world RC leaders (ed.: see Report To The World-Wide Leaders' Meeting in Present Time No. 101). I wanted to let you know where I am with it all.

First, I am completely happy with myself as a Gay man. I have discharged buckets of internalized oppression over the years and also have discharged about the oppression. I have learned and experienced a lot about what is possible in terms of intimacy and commitment between men. I have many Gay people in my life, and I love them dearly. I cherish us and what we have been able to do as a community and as a liberation movement.

I am clear that I love being Gay, and I am also clear that my continuing to be Gay is still completely an open question. It is obvious to me that I still have plenty of distress around both the sexuality and the identity, and I am committed to continuing to discharge the distress. From this place with myself, the way I experience Harvey's restatement of Co-Counseling's stance towards homosexuality is as an extremely loving and courageous move by an ally to make sure that Gay people are not abandoned to our distress. I have no interest in having distress. I am completely unthreatened by a loving challenge to my distresses. In fact, I find it quite moving. I am and have been completely willing to work on anything related to sex, sexuality, and my sexual identity. I know that I will never lose anything human by discharging about it.

Neither Harvey nor Co-Counseling is our parent, the church, or the oppression. No one is telling us that we cannot be Gay, that being Gay is bad (I challenge you to find that anywhere in Co-Counseling literature), or that we have to think one thing or another. Rather, what we have is an ally who is willing to stand up for our right to be Gay, who is willing to devote time and resources to making sure that there is a Gay liberation movement associated with Co-Counseling, who has repeatedly pointed out the key role that Gay oppression plays in keeping everyone's oppression in place, and who has the guts to say that we as Gay people have lots of distress about sex and sexuality and that we need to be willing to challenge it, all of it.

To my mind, this is an ally that ought to be celebrated, not complained about and niggled at. He has more courage than most non-Gay people in or out of Co-Counseling.

If you have feelings about the policy, you have feelings about it. It is a sign that there is still a lot more about the oppression and the internalized oppression to be discharged. We don't get to blame the fact that we feel bad on other people. Nor do we get to organize other people to try to set things up so we don't have to feel bad. Trust me-if you were not vulnerable to feeling like you were bad, or like your thinking was not respected or to be trusted, what RC leaders say about homosexuality would appear as an interesting point of view to be considered with respect, given that so much of RC has proven to be correct. This policy does not threaten us. It invites us to keep moving, to keep challenging ourselves and our world, to not settle for partial re-emergence but to keep being willing to work on things until we are completely free of distress. I don't know where we'll end up at the end of the process. I am confident that the process works. And I for one am committed to having a life unlimited by my distress. I hope you will continue to join me in this exciting endeavor.

"David Nijinsky"
California, USA

Reprinted from Present Time No. 102, January 1996

Last modified: 2019-05-02 14:41:35+00