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“I Choose to Live My Life to the Fullest”


I had occasion to lose many loved ones during the second wave of COVID-19, and I almost lost my wife due to a head-on collision with a truck whilst she was coming back from one of the funerals. At one point I lost two aunts and two brothers all within the space of four weeks. My RC Community organized some one-way time for me locally and internationally. The response was overwhelming. That alone was enough contradiction [to distress]. I am so proud to be a member of this organization.


The organizer of my intensive [one-way sessions] transcribed some of the re-evaluations I shared with her during and after it and has suggested that it may be useful for Present Time. Here they are:


It is possible to change the “script” installed on our minds due to our background and early childhood experiences.


There is a gap between the world I want to live in, my thoughts, and what I think is possible to achieve.


In this gap, I have realized I have to go back and rewrite the script that is imprinted on my mind. I have to go back and give the information to the child, the young B—, that he did not receive: “You are good, powerful, and loved.” 


I can go back to him and say, “Maybe, maybe the reason you landed where you landed was so that you could rewrite the script and share this with other people.” We can rewrite our scripts and take charge of the world. The world is in a mess, capitalism is falling apart, COVID-19 is destroying our communities. We, in RC, are the resource; we have information that others don’t have.


We can’t keep playing small. We all have a chance right now to make a difference, to take leadership.


I feel motivated. I don’t doubt that it is good to be alive. Good to be alive. All my relatives are beaming down at me. They are not sad they have died. They are glad I am alive; they are rooting for me. My mom is so happy—hoping and praising that I am able to figure this out. I was meant to fly; I can fly. She loved me enough. If she knew how, she would have done more, would have helped me, would have told me that I am enough, that I am loved.


My father is not angry with me. In my mind he is also rooting for me. He is not sad for the connection we did not have. I was angry with him for a long time. It gave me enough to push and to live. I was angry he was not there. My grandmother taught me so much. This made it easier to recognize that it was the people around me who were confused.


Going back and rewriting all the scripts is necessary. It doesn’t serve me to hold on to the old scripts anymore. But it requires a strong belief that the benign reality is true for all of us. And the willingness to go back and persuade the little one that despite everything they had to go through, the benign reality is still just as real.


The grieving is an ongoing process. I get to grieve about early deaths and the current deaths, and still life goes on.


I am alive; it is good to be alive. And I choose to live my life to the fullest.


B—


Eswatini


(Present Time 203, April 2021)


Last modified: 2021-04-14 00:12:29+00