Listening Effectively to Children

Dear RCers,

I'm pleased that we're encouraged to read and think about how young people use the attention of grownups to learn, love, and heal from difficult times they've had. We've collected lots of understandings of what grownups, and parents in particular, can do to be good allies to children — this booklet is a short summary.

If you haven't already, it might be a good time to offer "Special Time" to a young person you know. Children make immediate and effective use of the attention grownups pay to them. But the benefit we reap from paying full attention to children is great, as well. Children expect life to be good. They expect lots of fun in every day. They expect us to shine with pleasure when we play with them. These expectations are just what we need to remember our goodness.

When we're spending "Special Time," we're often able to remember to be hopeful about ourselves and our ability to make a significant difference. It's true — we can and we do.

There are lots of oppressive cultural practices and habits that confuse our behavior toward children, and lots of things that happened to us that we tend to repeat without thinking when we're not able to get enough discharge time to keep up with the rigors of parenting. I am guessing that those muddy spots will be the subject of some of the discussion in the next two months. However, success stories and anecdotes of your good thinking and the good results you've seen from your own experience in listening effectively to children would be helpful and welcome in the general discussion, as well.

I look forward to the thinking and experience that is shared.

Yours,

Patty Wipfler
Palo Alto, CA, USA
International Liberation Reference Person for Parents

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I'm trying out something new for reading Listening Effectively to Children. I take the first five minutes of my sessions to read the pamphlet out loud. This way I'm reading with attention and starting out my sessions with my attention off distress (and with the contradiction of the love, brilliant thinking/theory, and commitment to young people's and parent's liberation so apparent in Patty's writing). I also have the opportunity to discharge on what I have read with attention (I frequently discharge when reading RC literature by myself).

It is working well so far. One suggestion is to make it clear to your counselor that you may choose not to counsel on what you just read even if it brings up feelings.

I love thinking of other people reading this wonderful pamphlet and look forward to hearing what other people have to share both about the pamphlet and about the reading and encouraging others to read RC literature.

With love,

Tara Jones
Eugene, Oregon USA

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During our educational change support group, we talked about the pamphlet of the month, a project that Tim started over the summer. Tim had encouraged us to start reading the RC literature, discharge and think about it. This is a good way for us to come together to understand the RC theory on what is out there as of right now. We get to discharge around learning, reading, and studying connected to school. Of course this reminds us all about school — having to read or study something. Reading doesn't necessarily have to be hard. As a young person, when we were in school, we were made isolated, and left reading alone. The reason why reading seemed so hard is that early on in our lives, we never got a chance to have someone paying attention, giving us that loving, close, attention while we read. We were made to be off alone, isolated having no human connection to read alone. This makes it hard for a young child. We all know that what seems true about human beings — starting from a young person we need to be loved, cared for, want to be close to people, find that human-to-human connection and find the closest person we can be close to, and we want to connect with people.

What we did was read only one chapter of "Listening Effectively to Children." We read the part on special time. Everyone took turns reading one paragraph and we got to say and discharge what that paragraph meant to us. After each round, we had a mini session. It was a very powerful support group that we had.

I can see this is totally related to educational change. As we can see from young children, human beings are actually really smart. What gets in our way really is the learning hurts that keeps our thinking from functioning. Every human being is actually capable of learning anything. As we grow older, we just got messages that say we are not smart enough or not capable to learn. Learning is really inherent. Our goal in RC is really try to become that young person that we once were in not worrying what others have to say about us. We get to become that smart, good, intelligent young person that we were. We get to have our intelligence back. It would be a great thing and our life actually goes better to have a bigger and richer life for all of us for the rest of our lives.

Delia Chan
Clarkston, Georgia, USA

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I held a think and listen for Listening to Children last Monday. Four people attended including my ARP and two women from our community's parents with children with disabilities support group.

I've also twice spent a half hour reading Special Time aloud in my (weekly) moms' support group and plan on continuing with the reading until we have read all six pamphlets.

People are really enjoying these think and listens. I am leading them well and love both the experience of "counseling" during think and listens and the beautiful thinking/discharge that happens during them.

Enthusiasm for reading the literature is spreading. I've heard from three leaders in my community who have started having think and listens in their support groups (using both pamphlets of the month and other literature). I continue to read RC literature out loud for the first five minutes of every session (of a half hour or more). It's a great attention out/contradiction way to begin. (I don't think it is a coincidence that nearly every one of those sessions has been filled with deep discharge.) Other co-counselors are doing the same with me with both RC literature and literature connected with Wygelian oppression/liberation topics.

Thanks again for this great initiative.

With love,
Tara Jones
Eugene, Oregon USA