How to start "Re-evaluation Counseling"

In its basic form, the practice of Co-Counseling simply consists of two people taking turns listening to each other. It's like a conversation in some ways, but it's different, too. It's a more careful, effective kind of listening. We are talking about listening and paying attention to what you hear. It is thinking about the person who is saying it, and thinking about what he or she is saying, without interrupting the listening by offering suggestions or comments, but simply listening wholeheartedly.

It's simple to get started. It just takes two people. Find a friend (or co-worker or spouse) who will try it with you. Agree that you will take turns listening to each other without interruption for an equal amount of time, and agree how long that time will be. Then decide who is going to listen first. The other person then talks about whatever he or she wants to talk about. The listener just pays attention and doesn't interrupt to give advice or comment or tell how he or she feels.

After the agreed-upon time, the talker becomes the listener, and the one who listened first now talks about anything he or she wants to talk about.

It's a fair exchange. Neither person owes anything to the other. Afterwards, both people usually feel refreshed and think more easily. It's fun, too.

This is good to do whenever you get a chance. As you listen this way more times, you get to know each other better and like each other more and more.

You also get better at listening. The whole process becomes more effective the more times you use it.

Co-Counseling "turns" or "sessions" can be as long or as short as you have time for. Even a few minutes shared with your Co-Counselor can make a big difference in how you are able to think and function, and two hours shared is that much better.

Sometimes the person talking (the "talker" or the "client") may begin to laugh or cry or speak loudly, or sometimes tremble or yawn. This is a fine thing to have happen. It simply means that the person is tense about something, perhaps feeling some embarrassment or grief or fear or physical discomfort, and she or he is releasing the tension this way. She or he is becoming "un-embarrassed," "un-sad," "un-afraid." We sometimes call any release of tension in these ways "discharge." The person listening (the "counselor") can feel pleased and relaxed if this happens, and just continue to pay attention to the client without trying to stop any discharge that is occurring. If the client stops his or her own discharge, the listener can reassure him or her that it is fine to continue.